Connect Four

Sam’s, where Bright is studying (!). Amy comes by and dumps a boxed sandwich in his lap, announcing that there are no extra pickles, because he lied to her about Reid. Bright asks if she’s “still on that,” then corrects her, saying that he wasn’t lying, but was simply wrong. “But that happens all the time, so why are you bugging this time?” Amy overdramatizes that in this case, his error ruined her whole life. “If I had known Reid was straight, I would have put a whole different face forward. Like, one that had makeup on.” Bright blames the misunderstanding on Reid himself, saying that if he wants women [and Bright] to know that he’s straight, “he’s gotta stop dropping words like ‘partner’ and being all cut. I mean, seriously, have you ever seen a hetero guy that works out that often?” Amy says, for the benefit of the audience, that Doug was his EMT partner, and accuses Bright of being jealous of Reid’s body. And speak of the devil, Reid walks into the coffee shop. Amy has her back turned to the entrance and continues her discourse, while Bright quietly suggests that she stop; finally, he adds that Reid is right behind her. Amy whirls around while Bright greets his roommate. Reid hands over a rent check and says that he took out $60 for Bright’s share of the groceries. (They’ve purchased groceries?) Bright protests that Ephram had said it was only $20. Reid explains that it was, for Ephram. “The only thing that kid ever eats is pasta.” Ha! The image of that slays me, for some inexplicable reason. It’s just so random. Reid suddenly asks Amy if she has any plans for the weekend, which Bright takes as his cue to get out of Dodge. Amy asks if he means for Halloween, and says she doesn’t think she’s doing anything. Reid explains that he and several med school friends are volunteering at a haunted house for charity, and he figured that Amy might like to go. Amy is too stunned to provide an immediate answer, so Reid hastily adds that it’s okay if she’s not into it. Amy: “No, no, I’m totally into it! The - the kids, the - I mean, the, or scaring them, or whatever.” He’s really not that cute, Amy. Reid declares that Amy is officially on the “Scream Team,” which he is quick to assure her is what they actually call it, and is not something that he just devised. He says he’ll email her with all the info, and leaves, reminding her “Saturday night – don’t forget!” Amy sighs happily and gets all Marcia Brady-like.

Andy and Harold walk along the sidewalk of Everwood. Andy natters on about lunch options; noticing that Harold is too absorbed in studying a piece of paper to listen to him, Andy snatches it away and begins reading aloud. “Batteries, socks, [some word I still can't make out].” Harold obviouses that it’s a shopping list, and Andy reads on. “Toilet tissue, insect repellant – I love the fact that you call it ‘toilet tissue,’ by the way. It’s very dainty.” Harold explains that he’s going camping over the weekend, and further adds that after one unfortunate encounter with poison ivy, he’s learned never to forget the [product placement alert!] Charmin. Andy asks what the camping occasion is, and Harold says that it’s a tradition. “Every year the Abbott men cast off the bonds of our workaday lives and escape to the outdoors to rediscover our inner woodsmen.” You know, as a viewer, I don’t actually mind never having heard of or seen this tradition before – it probably just occurred between episodes – but he’s really never mentioned it to Andy prior to this occasion? Andy thinks it sounds like fun, and wishes he and Ephram had some kind of tradition. Harold thinks they must have something they enjoy doing together. Andy delivers the joke for me: “Yelling, maybe. Or door-slamming. We’re pretty good at those.” Harold invites the Browns along on the trip, prefacing his invitation with an admission that he’ll regret it later. Andy declines, explaining that he and Ephram are “city boys. About the only thing we do agree on is nature sucks.”

The apartment. Ephram is looking over some sheet music and mock-playing it on the counter. Bright comes in and asks what’s up; Ephram explains that he’s getting ready for a lesson. Bright notices a package on the table and, while opening it, tells Ephram how impressed he is by how seriously Ephram is taking his new job. He also, naturally, asks if any of his students are “hotties.” Ephram replies that he actually has “seven wingnuts playing ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’,” and one talented student in Kyle, on whom Ephram is spending most of his time, “which is ironic, since he’s the only one who’s not paying.” Bright finally gets the box open, and starts to remove camping supplies. He gripes about the fact that just because he “never made Eagle Scout,” Harold thinks he doesn’t know what to pack for the trip. He expositorily complains that “it’s the big father-son camp-out this weekend, which means I’m stuck in the woods for two days, sleeping on rocks and crappy tents with no cable.” Ephram mentions that he’s already heard about it, as Andy apparently accepted Harold’s invitation at some point during the opening credits, and called Ephram to invite him. Bright is thrilled, but Ephram says he’s not going. Bright wants to know why. Ephram: “I don’t know. Habit?” Bright chats up Savage Gull, with its splendid trails and exciting rock climbing and beautiful lake. Not that he uses all those adjectives, but they wouldn’t hurt. Ephram is not buying it, given Bright’s previously expressed sentiments. “That’s before I knew you were invited!” he says elatedly, providing fodder for Ephram/Bright shippers. Bright further explains that it’s not that he doesn’t want to go; it’s that the whole routine is getting old. He shows Ephram the itinerary Harold sent. Ephram: “It’s actually laminated.” And for the first time in his life, Ephram is thinking that he is thrilled to have Andy as his father. Bright says that the itinerary hasn’t changed since he was ten, and again tries to persuade Ephram to join them. He brings up the status of Ephram and Andy’s relationship. Ephram says that they’re doing better, “kinda,” and Bright asks, expectantly, “So?” He suggests that they “take it to the next level. Bond it up!” Ephram doubts that he and Andy are ready to bond in the woods. “I was thinking about maybe going to see a movie or something.” Bright insists that it’s not so bad: just hanging out, fishing, cooking over a fire. He picks up the phone, urging Ephram to call Andy back and say yes. Ephram uses the lessons he’s scheduled with Kyle as an excuse not to go. Bright “whatever”s and huffs that he guesses he won’t be whittling Ephram a letter-opener.

Jake’s office. Amy’s sister-in-law Gillian from Judging Amy is telling him all about her medical condition: she’s begun wetting her pants. After some discussion of the embarrassment its brought her, which includes a number of conversational asides showing that she and Edna are old acquaintances, Jake diagnoses her problem as “stress urinary incontinence,” which he says is common among thirty-to-forty-something women with children. He says he can perform laser surgery to correct the muscle weakness that’s causing it. While Jake is explaining how minor the procedure will be, some obnoxious-looking woman opens the door and actually says “Knock, knock,” thus confirming my suspicion that we are meant to hate her. She obnoxiously wonders how much longer she’ll have to wait. Edna reminds the woman that it’s a private office. HatefulKim sarcastically (and obnoxiously) asks if Edna is the one who does the injections. Edna: “I’ll inject you right now if you don’t get out of here.” Before Edna can actually do HatefulKim any bodily harm, Jake informs her that he is in charge of injections and apologizes for being so busy. He tells Gillian that Edna will schedule her appointment, and ushers HatefulKim to whatever special part of the building it is where he gives injections. Edna apologizes to Gillian for the disruption and adds that “those women” have been ubiquitous lately. “It’s just a good thing I’m not the one with the needle near her face.” Actually, it’s a real shame, but I’ve already developed an irrational hatred for the one we saw, so, I’m possibly biased.

Piano lesson. Kyle is playing something uptempo, but different! Yay! However, he’s playing it badly, since, as Ephram so astutely and frustratedly reminds him, it’s the adagio. Kyle declares that “no one at Juilliard wants to listen to this crap. It’s boring.” Because your performance schools and conservatories are very big with the “excitement,” I guess. Ephram pulls up a seat next to Kyle and says that he knows Kyle is frustrated with having to learn a new piece [especially after previously having only learned the one], but he just needs to focus on the hardest passage and keep working through it until he nails it. Kyle snarks that it probably happens to Ephram a lot, “passages you can’t play.” Ephram gives him a bitter ha ha, then directs him “back to the coda.” Kyle whines about having to “waste more time on this junk.” Ephram looks thoughtful. He agrees to let Kyle work on something else and cancels the lesson for that weekend. He explains that that way, Kyle can take the time to really learn the piece. Kyle: “I don’t wanna learn.” Ephram refrains from smacking him upside the head and simply tells him to find another piece, then, and learn that instead. Ephram adds that he has something else to take care of. Kyle’s interest, curiously, is peaked, and he asks if Ephram’s playing again. Ephram says that no, he’s going camping with his father. Kyle stands abruptly and reverts to the norm: “You think I give a rat’s?” Ephram rolls his eyes and asks what his problem is now. We don’t really have the time for you to be asking that question, Ephram, given that I’m just guessing it’s going to take about a third of the season to get all the answers. Kyle denies having a problem. “Have fun with your daddy. Maybe I’ll see you next week if you’re done bonding.” Ooh, snap!

Apartment of Impending Disappointment for Bright. Hannah, wearing a sleeping bag, is hopping up and down and squealing at Bright to let her out of it. Bright says that she looks like an Eskimo, and they do that Eskimo kissing thing, and I am sorry, I’m a fan of these two but still this scene is making me want to vomit. Hannah announces that her glasses are fogging up, and starts to extricate herself from the sleeping bag, but falls backwards onto the couch halfway through the process. Bright declares that now she looks like a mermaid, he loves mermaids, they settle in for the making out. Bright maneuvers his hands around the waistal area, which apparently tickles, so he stops, and oh my gosh just do the angst already, before my teeth rot completely. I don’t do so well with this degree of romantic cutesiness. To return to what’s happening on-screen, Bright realizes that he’s not going to see Hannah for three days [but he told Ephram the trip is only two days! My brain hurts!]. They commence the actual kissing, which gets very intense indeed, and I’m wondering what it was like for Tom Amandes to direct his on-screen son and, well, whatever Hannah is to Harold, here? Hannah observes that she and Bright have “never done this horizontally before.” This doesn’t mean much to Bright, and they resume, but Hannah finally gets a little uncomfortable – or maybe too comfortable, actually – and tells him to “wait.” Bright apologizes and Hannah says it’s okay, though her expression rather belies this. Bright looks at her concernedly and asks “What?” Hannah says that it’s nothing, and continues to look kind of ill. Bright asks again, and eventually Hannah comes out with it. “You know I don’t believe in premarital sex, right?” Okay. Glad as I am that Hannah finally managed to tell Bright something she knew he wouldn’t want to hear...why would he have already known that? Did she think Amy was going to take care of this whole uncomfortable conversation for them? Anyhoo, Bright, of course, did not know this, but mutters that “of course” he did. Hannah says that she just wanted to double-check. Bright replies that as she’s “religious,” he assumed she “had those beliefs.” Though her full reason for abstaining, as she explained it to Amy in “The Reflex,” is actually more complex and interesting. Gee, maybe she could have explained it to Bright in one of those discussions they never end up having about the subject. Bright, half-teasingly, half-dead-seriously, asks if she’s “full-on serious about practicing those beliefs in real life,” which earns him a “Bright!” and a little retaliatory tickling. He says that he was just kidding, and that of course she’s serious and of course he knew. Hannah says she figured he did. They kiss a bit more, and then Bright asks what she means by “sex.” Hannah, who’s never had any practical reason to give it much thought before, says she guesses anything that has the word “sex” in it. Bright says okay, then asks a now-legendary question: “What about the word ‘job’?” Yeah. I know this line was hugely popular and well-loved by many, but I kind of see Hannah’s point here when she slaps his arm aside and gets off the couch. Granted, they need to be able to discuss this, but...dude, read the room a little before you make a joke/ask a question like that. Bright says he just wants to make sure there’s no confusion when they’re “navigating around.” Hannah assures him that they “can still make out all the time,” and they agree that they strongly enjoy that part. Just before things have the chance to get rather involved again, Hannah announces that they should get back to packing. As she stands several feet behind him and starts rambling about his parka, Bright, in the foreground, begins rolling up the sleeping bag. He wears an expression of grim resignation to his sexless immediate future.

Brown Cucina. Andy is packing while Delia sits by and is probably glad that she lacks a Y chromosome. She asks why, if Ephram hates camping, he’s willing to go. Andy doesn’t much care about his motives. “The fact that he’s willing to spend time with me is huge.” On that note, Andy picks up two board games and asks if he should bring Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit. Delia dubiously asks if that’s how he intends to win back Ephram. Andy thinks she makes a good point, and picks up a deck of cards instead. “We could play poker by the campfire!” He registers the sad level of excitement he just expressed. “Or is that just too desperate?” Delia suggests that Andy just leave Ephram alone, because that will make Andy look cool and Ephram want to hang out with him. Andy thinks this isn’t such a bad idea. Delia: “Don’t be shocked. I know stuff.” Andy decides that he won’t talk to Ephram or pressure him into doing anything. “And if I do have to engage with him, I’ll just get in quick, and get out quicker!” Andy returns to the Table o’ Camping Stuff, while Delia sagely observes that “this family needs so much help.” Andy frowns and turns to look at her, and, sorry Andy, but duh.

Edna and Irv’s kitchen. Edna, making breakfast, complains about work, mainly about how she’s so backed up with files and reimbursements. Irv, seated at the table, is concentrating on something else and just responds with a non-committal “mm-hmm.” She continues that Jake just keeps adding more and more to their workload and now has them staying open later and on Saturdays. She surmises that he hasn’t spent even five minutes with a patient in the past month. Irv I-told-you-sos that he tried to whisk her off to the Greek Isles, but she wanted to continue nursing. Edna gripes that her job no longer involves nursing, or even medicine. “You ought to see the hussies waltzing in and out of there like it’s some kind of day spa up at Aspen. I mean, I tied tourniquets in ‘Nam, for God’s sake. I helped deliver half the kids in Peak County. Now it’s all skin scrubs and face peels and God knows what else. I got zero interest, let me tell you.” Irv sympathizes, then reveals how little attention he was actually paying by asking which of his authorial glamour shots she prefers. Noting his remarkably youthful appearance in each picture, Edna accuses him of being “one of them.” Irv asks what she’s talking about, and Edna replies that the pictures don’t represent him. “You’ve never looked this good!” Proving her initial point, Irv admits that the photos were touched up “a little,” but that that’s why he likes them. Edna literally throws in the (dish)towel and rhetorically asks what’s wrong with the world. “When did everybody become so obsessed with their appearance?” Welcome to the world of human existence, Edna! Irv protests that he’s not obsessed, but merely wants to look good, especially since people do judge books by their covers and he has the market research to back that up. Edna doesn’t “give a flying flip” and declares that “the man upstairs made us the way we are, and it’s fool’s work to try and change it.” Irv thinks progress is a good thing, “whether it’s medicine or Photoshop.” Angrily setting down their breakfast plates – his at the table and hers at the counter, heh – Edna declares that Irv’s a lot of things, but not vain. “You ought to be ashamed.” Irv takes this to mean that she doesn’t like either photo.

Camping time! Harold takes charge, declaring that they need to put away the groceries [...where?] so no “scavengers” will catch the scent of their food. Bright doubts that there are any bears nearby, as he and Ephram “just passed a guy watching satellite in his skivvies.” Harold moves on, mentioning with some annoyance that they’re a bit behind schedule due to Andy’s non-existent tent-pitching skillz. He begins to say that they should be able to get back on track, but his train of thought is derailed when he notices Ephram heading for the Abbott tent. Harold imperiously directs him to Andy’s pathetic tent, but Andy says that he's okay with Ephram and Bright sharing a tent if Ephram’s okay with it. Ephram responds with a casual “yeah, I don’t care, whatever,” but even I, not generally a HoYay!er, can sense his veiled excitement. Harold gets all cranky and reminds Andy of the trip’s father-son bonding purpose, but Andy assures him that he’ll be a great tentmate. “We can tell ghost stories. I do a great bit with a flashlight!” Harold refuses to waste flashlight batteries on a “bit,” then protests Andy’s having brought along a pillow, as “it’s not the Four Seasons!” Will hi-jinks ensue? I think they just might!

Hannah and Amy in some costume store we never knew existed. Hannah wraps a boa around her neck and happily says how “lucky” she feels. Amy replies that Bright is the lucky one, but Hannah waxes rhapsodic about how gentlemanly he was about the no-sex news, despite how disappointed she knew he must have been. Amy, not seeming to care all that much, mutters that it’s not a big deal. Hannah disagrees. “Can you imagine if I had made a fuss about not having fun at that stupid kegger when he’s, like, sacrificing this huge thing for me? I mean, Bright was like a *hilariously looks around and drops voice to a stage whisper* sex addict before!” Amy suggests that the word she’s looking for is “perv.” Hannah, scandalized, chastises her, but Amy insists she’s just being truthful. She continues, though, that “even Bright’s not stupid enough” to end the relationship over sex. As she tries on a supremely unflattering wig, she platitudes that it wouldn’t be a real relationship if someone wasn’t sacrificing something. Then she makes it all about her and sighs that she misses all the “sacrifice, compromise, effort.” Hannah chirps that maybe Reid will be her new boyfriend, and they can all double date! Amy thinks she needs to pick out a costume before anything further can develop. She holds up two options: “scary witch” and “naughty Pilgrim.” Hannah asks if it’s a date or a group thing. Amy acknowledges that it’s a group setting, but that Reid asked her in a “date-like way.” She says that in any event, she needs to take advantage of the situation, because he’s seen her at her sloppiest. “I mean, last time we were hanging out, I was wearing a baseball cap and sweats!” Though Hannah reassures her that she looks “cute” in sweats, Amy wants Reid to see her as “hot,” which will be difficult as he’s out of her league. “He’s a med student, I’m a freshman. He’s learning how to save people’s lives, I barely have a life.” Hannah argues that he must already like her if he asked her out for a holiday event on a Saturday night, and points out that he made the effort to find her at work to do so. What’s more, he invited her someplace where his friends will be, which clearly means he wants to show her off. Hannah concludes that it’s a date. Amy decides this means it’s time to “break out the big guns.” Naughty Pilgrim it is!

Ephram and Bright sit at the campfire. Harold and Andy lug over a telescope. Harold invites the sons for “a little pre-dinner stargazing.” Bright declines as he and Ephram are on “chef duty” and can’t leave the fire unattended. Ephram adds that it’s a two-person job. Andy, never one to take a hint, volunteers to stay behind and help, but Harold hissy-fits that he won’t stargaze alone, and leads Andy away. Ephram asks if Bright really expects him to help with the food, but Bright says no; he actually just really needed to talk to Ephram. Ephram wonders what the rush is. Bright announces that Hannah is not going to have sex with him. Ephram: “Oh. Ow.” Heh. Bright relates the events of the other day. “She drops the bomb: she’s not going to have premarital sex until she’s married.” Bwah-ha-ha! How did I forget about that line?! And Ephram’s reaction: “...That’s a...never mind.” Grammar humor rocks. Ephram asks what Hannah means by “no sex.” Bright replies that it essentially means everything but kissing, and asks if Ephram can believe it. Ephram: “It’s Hannah, so, kinda, yeah. She goes to church all the time... It’s really not that shocking, actually.” I kind of love how unsurprised Ephram is by all this. Is it that he’s more perceptive than Bright, or did Bright just never allow himself to entertain this possibility? Anyway, Bright, more annoyed than amused by Ephram’s having read Hannah better than he did, says that he knows all this. “So basically, we’re going to be like friends who kiss. I could have that if she went back to Minnesota. It would be like phone sex...without the sex.” Ephram looks deeply contemplative, as is his wont, and says, without much conviction, that it’s rough and that he’s sorry. Bright asks what Ephram would do if he were Bright. Ephram doesn’t know, so poses a question instead: “Let’s say this isn’t going to change, which it probably isn’t. Is it a dealbreaker? I mean, if this is all there is, are you okay with that?” Now it’s Bright’s turn to look contemplative and reply that he doesn’t know. You know, the first couple of times I watched this episode, I saw Ephram as focusing wholly on Bright’s concerns. But watching again, and as closely as this, that’s not really the case. Ephram is focused on Bright, because he’s his best friend and is the one who came to him for advice, but he doesn’t seem to entirely sympathize with Bright. He’s been shown to be protective of Hannah, as regards the relationship, in episodes like “Put on a Happy Face” and, much later, “Truth...”, so I almost wonder if that’s not part of what’s going on here – he doesn’t think Bright should have to make that sacrifice if he doesn’t want to, but he also doesn’t want Hannah to get hurt. Probably in large part because she's Amy's best friend, but still.

A new day dawns at the campsite. Harold unzips the door of his and Andy’s tent. Harold, it’s worth mentioning, is clad in tomato soup red long johns. Naturally. Andy blearily asks what time it is. Harold unhelpfully replies that, according to the itinerary, it’s time to seize the day and some trout. Though Harold encourages him with an “Up and at ‘em!,” Andy decides to go back to sleep. Harold finds this “unbelievable” and asks why Andy’s even there, given that, though his professed reason was to spend time with Ephram, they’ve only spent ten minutes together. Andy rebuts that they had dinner together, too. “I told the joke about the nuns, he laughed, it was great.” Harold, unimpressed, exhorts Andy to “get up, go grab your petulant son, and start establishing some traditions!” Andy claims that they already have. “It’s called ‘not fighting for 24 hours,’ and it rocks.” Harold relents and snits that Andy can stay there, just see if he cares. “While you’re sleeping the day away, my son and I will be down at that lake, making memories to last us a lifetime. Or at least until next year, which, just so we’re clear, you are not invited to.” His efforts to make a dignified exit are somewhat hampered by his briefly catching his leg in a folding chair or rack (hard to tell when its primary function in the scene is to serve as an impediment to walking). Andy nestles more deeply into his sleeping bag and wishes Harold a “happy memory-making!” before going back to sleep.

Amy walks trepidatiously into a dry ice-induced fog. While someone on a sound effects CD cackles, a dummy suddenly drops in front of her. Oh, yeah, and she’s in the med school haunted house. Reid greets Amy and comments on how “cool” their effects are. Uh-huh. He notices the costume she’s holding and asks what it is. She replies that it’s her costume, [doofus], and though he thinks the pilgrim thing is cool, he says that they already have a costume for her. She’s going to be a scarecrow! Wow!... Maybe it’s a Naughty Scarecrow? He explains, a little superfluously, that she’ll be featured in a scary farm scene. Reid walks over to and wraps his arms around a rather skanky-looking girl dressed as a Naughty Mummy. Naughty Mummy makes a pun about Amy being a “scary-crow.” She proceeds to giggle at her own lame joke, then says that Amy must be the friend Reid had mentioned. Reid introduces Naughty Mummy as “Alice,” a classmate from his Cell Biology class. While Amy looks at him expectantly, Reid suggests that she head upstairs to the makeup and prop area to get the “good stuff” before it’s gone. Amy asks where she should meet Reid. Reid looks a little lost, so Amy amends her question to where the farm scene is. Reid realizes her misunderstanding and clarifies that he’s not in her scene; instead, he and Naughty Mummy are featured in “Shake and Bake.” NM giggles that Reid will sit in a fake electric chair and she gets to “execute” him every thirty seconds. Amy: “Ooh. How fun for you.” Heh. Amy asks if she’ll be alone, but Reid replies that there’s one other person in her scene, and that it will be fun! Amy unconvincingly says that it sounds great. Reid hands her a clipboard, and as he and Naughty Mummy walk away, he adds that they’ll meet up with Amy afterwards. Amy starts writing on whatever Reid gave her, while a 14-year-old-looking boy in glasses taps her on the shoulder. When Amy turns around, he introduces himself as “Milo,” her “dead farm boy.” Amy smiles weakly and says hi, then turns back around wearing an expression of disgust. Poor Milo Potter’s eager smile fades.

Jake’s waiting room, which is stuffed to the gills with female patients. Oh, wait, there’s a guy, too. Didn’t notice you on first viewing, dude, sorry. So, Edna’s dealing with the long line of patients, and when the next woman in line says she’s there for a microdermabrasion, Edna exasperatedly asks if anyone there has an “actual medical problem.” At this, Jake pops out of his office and demands to see Edna right away. She follows him into the office, where he asks what that was all about. She complains that it’s almost noon, and they’re already an hour behind schedule. She refers to the patients as “cackling hens” [plus a rooster, don’t forget], which earns her a quiet “stop” from Jake. When she continues that they “wouldn’t know the difference between a C-section and a tummy tuck” and gripes that she never signed up for this, Jake actually barks at her to sit down, shut up, and listen. Fearing Dimples’ wrath, she complies. Jake begins that he knows why Edna has been on her soapbox: she doesn’t know how to help on the new cosmetic procedures, and it’s “freaking [her] out.” Edna crosses her arms and, perhaps overemphatically, tells him to give her a break. Jake reiterates: “You’re feeling obsolete, and you’re taking it out on the whole entire world because you’re either too scared or too stubborn to learn something new.” Edna snidely asks why she should have to learn this “crap.” Jake reminds her that it’s kind of her job, and points out how much more efficient they could be if she would learn something as simple as a collagen injection. Edna hisses that it’s not a “factory,” and adds, for good measure, that Jake would “take a rib out of an anorexic” if it meant he’d earn more money. Jake contends that it’s a business and he won’t apologize for what he does or for doing it well. Edna basically asserts that he spends more time on cosmetic procedures than genuine medical issues, but Jake replies that it’s not his place to judge his patients, nor is it Edna’s to judge him. He calls her out on her defensiveness, then sits down and switches to a calmer tone. He tells her that she’s “missing out.” Edna asks “On what?” and Jake returns “everything.” He argues that she should be trying to learn all the new procedures she can, so they can take on more complex cases. He cites Gillian as one example, explaining that he’ll have to hire a temp nurse to assist him on her surgery, as Edna’s not even allowed in the room. This is news to Edna, who had already promised Gillian that she’d be by her side. Jake replies that she’s not qualified on the laser machine, and adds that this is why he’s been trying for months to get her to attend a laser seminar. Edna: “I thought that was just for hair removal.” Jake shakes his head sadly and says there’s much more to it than that. “There’s a greater good here: cleft palates, skin cancers.” He muses on how many people they could be helping. “But right now, I’m drowning. And you are part of the problem.” Just before leaving, he adds that he needs Edna to “step up” or “step aside.” Edna looks chagrined.

Camping! No wacky hi-jinks here, I’m afraid. A depressed-looking Bright sits on the edge of a small cliff, occasionally throwing small rocks into the vast chasm splayed before him. Ephram walks up. Bright asks if he has the “padres” with him. Ephram: “No, I can’t find them anywhere. Must be making out.” Hee! Bright observes that Andy’s really changed. Ephram asks for clarification, so Bright says that “he’s so chill now,” letting Ephram do what he wants and not treating him like a child. Ephram replies that he doesn’t let Andy treat him that way, and that if Bright wants to change things with Harold, he needs to learn to say no to him. “Trust me, he’ll respect you more because of it.” Bright gives him a dull “whatever,” and decides it doesn’t matter. “I’m not someone who deserves respect anyway.” This is not the first time, incidentally, and certainly won’t be the last, that we hear Bright saying he doesn’t deserve something or other. Ephram jokingly asks if he peed on the campfire again. Bright is serious, however, and announces that he’s breaking up with Hannah. Ephram utters a quiet “oh,” and takes a moment before sitting down next to him and asking “Really?” Bright glumly confirms. He says that he’s been running through scenarios in his head in which they continue dating and never move beyond making out. “I just can’t see that, I can’t see where it goes next.” Ephram says that it makes sense. Not that that’s much consolation to Bright, who continues that “I’m officially that jerk who breaks up with a girl because she won’t sleep with him. I’m that guy that parents warn their daughters about.” Ephram insists that he was that guy, but isn’t anymore. Except he technically is, a little. Not the “jerk” part, but...yeah, the rest of that first statement is kind of true. But Ephram goes on. “You have different expectations for a relationship. That’s fine.” Bright scoffs a little and remarks on how bad it looks. Ephram agrees that it does, but that he can’t think about that; he’s just being honest with himself about what he needs. “You’ve already had sex many...many times. It’s kind of hard to go back and erase that part of yourself. You wouldn’t ask Hannah to do the same thing, would you?” Bright appears lost in thought, so Ephram repeats the “Would you?” more emphatically. Bright explains that he didn’t catch what Ephram said, as he was too busy remembering the “many, many times.” Ephram seems to momentarily consider pushing his friend off the cliff, but thinks better of this and continues. “Look, all I’m saying is if Hannah needed something that you couldn’t give her, would you want her to stay with you, or would you want her to find somebody else who could give her what she needs?” Bright actually hears this and ponders. After a moment, he decides that he “just want[s] her to be happy.” Ephram thinks that settles it, and Bright reluctantly agrees, though he adds that he still feels like a jerk. They sit quietly for a moment before Bright hands Ephram a rock, which he hurls forward furiously.

Festivities are in full swing at the lame haunted med house. Hannah and Sam, who is dressed as Batman, walk in. Hannah is all freaked out by the various tableaux and tries to tell herself that she loves it. Sam, however, is in a snarky mood, saying “Fake!” at everything they see. Heh. Hannah: “IlovethisplaceIlovethisplaceIlovethisplace aagh!” as Amy, looking truly dorky and not at all naughty in her scarecrow costume, taps her on the shoulder. Sam recognizes her easily and says hi. Hannah isn’t sure what to make of Amy the scarecrow; Amy insists that she needs to talk to her right away, and leads Sam over to some girl dressed as a cheerleader, who’s apparently a designated kid monitor or something. Amy and Hannah return to Amy’s scene and sit behind it. Amy frantically complains about her sore feet and the itch-inducing straw. Hannah, still out of the loop, asks where Reid is. Amy explains that he’s off in some other scene “with some ridiculously hot mummy chick.” Uh-huh. Hannah is in disbelief, and Amy adds that she hasn’t even spoken to him all night. Now Hannah is indignant that he asked her on a date but is hanging out with another girl. Amy replies that it’s “not even close” to being a date. “I am such an idiot.” Hannah tries to reassure her that she’s not, but Amy asserts that she is, and misread the situation, as Reid was simply looking for volunteers. Hannah, in full-on defensive best friend mode, asks how Amy was supposed to know that. Amy Amys that she should never have taken his general niceness for romantic interest, now he knows she likes him and it’s humiliating, blah blah self-imposedmelodramacakes. Hannah calmly tells Amy to go home. Amy protests that she can’t just leave, but Hannah insists that she can; Amy can take Sam and Hannah can take Amy’s place. Amy asks “Really?” to which Hannah replies that “it’s not a real relationship unless you’re willing to make sacrifices, right?” Aw, the friendships on this show always did rock. Amy is moved, and tells Hannah that she’s her favorite person. Hannah returns the sentiment. Amy grabs Sam, while Hannah takes Amy’s ridiculous hat, which even has straw “hair” attached. She puts it on and shakes her head, muttering, “I hate this place.”

Campfire revisited! Ephram is already there, and Andy approaches, carrying a bottle of booze. Andy asks if Ephram couldn’t sleep, either. Ephram could not; as he explains, “whoever’s idea it was to serve rice and beans with Bright around ought to be shot.” Andy holds out the bottle and says that he brought something to help them pass out, or at least find things more amusing. Ephram observes that it’s the grappa. Andy notes that it seemed like a good occasion for it. Ephram asks why Andy brought him camping. Andy doesn’t have an answer, but asks why Ephram said yes to it. Ephram counters that he asked first. Andy admits that he wanted to spend time with Ephram. Ephram finds this funny, as it seemed to him like Andy had been avoiding him. Andy denies this, insisting that he only wanted to give him space. Ephram: “‘Cause you’re scared of me.” Andy says no, then: “Yes. Very much so.” While Andy takes a big swig, Ephram asks if he’s really that bad. Andy acknowledges that he is, sometimes, but not always. “But hey, here we are. We’ve got a fire, stars...a bottle of 50-proof Italian fruit wine. Tell me what’s going on in your life.” Ephram bristles at this. “Geez, Dad, get off my back, okay?” Andy is visibly taken aback. Then: “Just kidding.” Heee! It’s things like this that make me love you so hard, Ephram. Andy, for his part, gets in a good laugh (of relief, probably), while Ephram proceeds to discuss his piano lessons. He describes Kyle as a kid who “thinks he’s God’s gift. He’s good, but he’s a pain in the ass, and a complainer.” Andy snarkily replies that he can’t relate. Ephram admits that he has a lot more respect for Andy now. Andy points out that for all the times Ephram was a pain, there was usually a reason, so the same is probably true of Kyle. He says that it’s his turn now [to ask a question, that is]. Ephram wonders if he has to answer, and Andy replies that it would be nice if he did. He asks why Ephram returned to Everwood. Ephram confesses, quite plainly, that he’s still in love with Amy. Andy: “You’d better pass that grappa.” He takes another healthy swig, as Ephram says that all the twelve-hour train rides in Europe gave him time to think about things, such as how he should never have broken up with her. Andy assures him that he only did what he had to at the time. Ephram says that he told himself that, but “the truth is, she was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I blew it. I was pissed off at you, and I took it out on her, and now all I want to do is tell her that I’m sorry, but it’s too late for that.” The two are silent for a few seconds. Ephram adds that he is glad he came home. Andy: “Me too.” And they watch the fire.

Overhead shot of the lake at the campsite, the following morning. Harold and Bright are rowing. Also, Harold is singing “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning.” Naturally. Bright, finally, has enough and shouts “Dad!” This is actually the reaction Harold was hoping for, as he sarcastically observes that he thought Bright might have fallen asleep. He also asks, “Do I detect a touch of sour in your apple on this grand and glorious day?” The brilliance of so many Harold one-liners is mind-boggling. Bright, very sour indeed, sees nothing good or glorious about the day, and asks what time they’re going home. Harold says at 3:00 [everything on this show seems to happen at 3. What is that?], as always, and wonders why Bright wants to know. Bright would like to leave even earlier, as he has “something kinda important” to do. Harold can’t imagine anything being important enough to be worth missing out on their traditional breakfast at “Big Cecil’s.” We know that Bright’s not in a good way when even the promise of food doesn’t deter him from wanting to return home ASAP. Harold is growing concerned, and again asks why. Bright, for some reason, doesn’t seem to want to tell Harold that he plans to break up with Hannah over the lack of sex, so he snaps that he doesn’t want to talk about it and doesn’t want to be there anymore. “I didn’t even want to come in the first place.” Harold looks utterly wounded. Bright! You’re just bound and determined to stomp all over the hearts of all the H’s today, aren’t you? Harold quietly says that he sees. Bright tells him not to “get all offended.” Harold retorts that he’s not “all offended,” but doesn’t understand where Bright’s feelings are coming from, as Bright had always looked forward to the trip in the past. Bright: “Yeah, in the past. But now...now I’m kind of over it. I mean, we do all of the same stuff. You try to teach me things that you taught me ten years ago. I know you think I’m a slow learner, but...” Harold simply replies that he never knew Bright felt this way, then suggests that they head back to camp.

Jake’s office, meaning here the front part of the office and not his private office. Uh, anyway, Jake’s going through some files when Edna walks in and expresses her surprise at seeing someone else there. Jake apologizes for his harsh words of the other day, but Edna tells him he was right; she hadn’t been doing her part and she’s not proud of it. Jake concedes that he could have done more to keep her up-to-date, as they’re a team. Edna cuts him off to announce that she signed up for the course to get her CPSN [Certified Plastic Surgery Nurse] credential. She adds that the confirmation should have been faxed there. Jake is elated, though a little less so when he looks at the fax and notices that it costs $1200, hotel not included. Edna: “I figured four star, minimum.” Heh. Jake agrees to the deal, and says it’s worth it. Edna heads for the door, but turns back when she hears Jake produce some noise that sounds like a combination of sighing, sitting down heavily, and dropping a stack of papers. She asks if he’s okay, which he says he is, if a little overwhelmed. Edna, suddenly feeling polite, asks if he minds her saying something; he does not. She begins that he doesn’t need to take on so many patients. “What you said about not judging your patients...I disagree. A good doc is supposed to exercise discretion.” Jake just smiles a little at this. She goes on that she’s worried about him. “You’re always here, going a million miles an hour, never taking a break. If you keep it up, you’re going to stroke out from the stress.” Jake dismisses her concerns, claiming that they’ll be less busy soon enough. Edna is doubtful, and suggests that he remember why he came to Everwood in the first place. Prescription drug scandal? Edna asks when Jake last had dinner with Nina [wait, what? Now he’s bailing on dinner at home? Hypocrite.] or just relaxed at home. She reminds him that it’s Sunday and he should be playing in the park with Sam, leaving his paperwork for the next day. “Eyes on the prize, Hartman.” They exchange a smile, and she leaves for real this time. Jake...returns to his paperwork.

Close-up shot of a table covered in Sunday afternoon detritus: textbooks, a yogurt cup, a package of half-eaten mini donuts, and newspaper sections. Pan up to Amy, asleep in a chair on the porch. Rose hurries over to wake her up, saying that there’s someone there to see her – Reid, who’s standing right there! Amy doesn’t seem terribly embarrassed, but then, he’s seen her in scarecrow drag. Reid apologizes for dropping by when she’s “crashed out,” but Amy replies that she was really just doing some Contemporary Poetry homework. Reid exposits that he asked Bright where she lived [wait, what? When did the campers get home? What time is it?], because he was worried about her after the previous night’s vanishing act. He also mentions that Hannah told him she was sick. Amy: “Oh, yeah, yeah. I got, um... I think I ate too much candy corn or something like that. All that orange dye, not good for the stomach, I puke easy.” Amy suddenly looks repulsed at herself. Hee! If only she had humiliated herself like this in the first three seasons, I might’ve been able to really get on board with the character. Amy and Reid both let out little laughs, and Reid advises her to try finding him next time, since he is a doctor, or is at least trying to be. Amy passive-aggressively replies that she didn’t want to interrupt him and Naughty Mummy. Reid officially Gets It, and sits down on the table in front of Amy, explaining that Naughty Mummy had to leave early to be with her boyfriend. Amy grits her teeth and chuckles bitterly about how nice that is. Reid says she’s funny. Amy: “Not on purpose.” Reid gazes at her dreamily and adds that she’s “pretty, too.” Oh, for the love of Pete. I mean, not that I didn’t know what was going to happen here, of course, but it’s still a drag to have this great, ultra-relatable S4 Amy, who’s more awkward than usual, and then have it turn out that the guy she liked, who she initially thought was gay, and who is several years ahead of her academically, and who became Bright’s roommate partly through her own maneuverings, likes her back. Hmph. She’s no Rory, at least, but still. It’s a little annoying. So, Reid transitions into stud mode, and asks “Would you mind if I–“ as he leans in to finish the question with a kiss. After a few seconds of kissage, his phone rings; it’s from his “lab partner,” which apparently means he has to go right away. He gives her a quick peck, and, just before leaving, suggests that she avoid excessive candy corn consumption in the future. Amy watches him, full of awe and wonderment at his very Reidness, then smiles happily to herself and closes her eyes again.

Close-up on a piano. Kyle is – heavens to mergatroid, is that the jazz piece again? A little hard to tell, but it sounds like another section of it. Great work finding something new and challenging to play there, buddy. Someone knocks on the door; a second or so later a woman, whom Kyle identifies as his mother, enters and tells him they need to go. Kyle pleads for ten more minutes, but they must leave immediately, as “Uncle Clark” is making burgers and she has the hamburger buns, and there will apparently be wailing and keening and rending of clothes if the burgers have to wait. Ephram notes that Kyle’s “on fire today,” and Kyle lowers his request to five more minutes, but Kyle’sMom insists they have to leave. Kyle grumps that he has to use the bathroom first, which conveniently provides Ephram and Kyle’sMom a little time to discuss him behind his back. Ephram observes, perhaps ironically, that he’s in a good mood and must have had a decent weekend. Kyle’sMom says that his weekends are all pretty much the same: no friends, so he spends most of his time playing the piano. She asks if that’s normal. Ephram: “Well, I don’t know if that’s normal, but you just described my childhood.” KM laughs, then goes on to say that Kyle really looks forward to his lessons. Ephram can’t imagine how he’d act about something that he dreads. KM explains that Kyle’s had a tough week, since “his birthday came and went, his dad didn’t even call, not that I expected him to,” and all these hints about backstory are news to Ephram, who asks where Kyle’s father is. KM doesn’t know, but does overshare that he left her for a "diner hostess in Boulder" when Kyle was ten. Returning to the subject at hand, KM says that she knows Kyle can be a “handful,” and she feels bad about not being able to pay, so is very thankful that Ephram is giving him lessons. “When you called earlier, you really made his day.” Kyle rejoins them, mentioning that the restroom was locked so they’ll have to stop somewhere. Ephram congratulates him on having a good lesson, and asks him to work on some concerto for the next one. Kyle asks Ephram to shower before the next lesson, because he “kind of stinks.” Aw, Ephram’s very first act upon returning home was to uncancel Kyle’s lesson. Sweet, if unhygienic. KM kind of grimaces at her son’s wit, but Ephram smiles knowingly as she and Kyle depart.

Sam’s. Nina, behind the counter, asks Andy how camping went, and adds that Delia bet her $10 they’d be home a day early. Andy remarks on how glad he is to leave Delia in the care of a woman who introduced her to gambling. Nina: “Please, I’ve already introduced her to porn and vibrators. Gambling’s the least of your worries.” She asks again about the trip, and if it was everything Andy hoped it would be. He says it was, “and then some.” He suddenly overhears Amy and Hannah behind him, talking and giggling about Amy and Reid’s kiss. Amy remembers that she’s working, and as she walks away, she spots and says hi to Andy, who says hi back. I think things might just get a little Awkward! real soon.

Suddenly, it’s nighttime. Ben Folds’ “Wandering” starts up, and I have to say, this is one of my favorite uses of a song on the show. It’s hard to go wrong with Ben Folds anyway, but the marriage of lyrics and scene and overall storyline, really, is exceptional. Anyway, we start with an artsy shot of Bright’s shadow, then see Bright himself, as he walks to the front door of Casa Nina et al. He first looks in through the window, where inside Hannah is playing with Sam; part of this playing involves her putting a pair of shorts on her head, and I only mention this for future reference. Bright smiles, then remembers why he’s ostensibly there, and regains the morose expression he’s been wearing for two-thirds of the episode and rings the doorbell. Hannah opens the doors and giddily proclaims that Bright is back, and literally throws herself at him. He returns the hug, a little uneasily. She asks if he had fun, then realizes that she still has the shorts on her head and quickly flings them aside, while observing that she thought Bright would have been back hours earlier. Bright just replies that camping “was good. It was fun.” Hannah, still all squeaky with joy, says that she wants to hear “everything” [ha! Um, where to start? ‘Well, first Ephram and I had this conversation...’] and suddenly remembers that she has stories about Amy to share. Bright regards her thoughtfully, prompting Hannah to wonder if something is wrong. He waits to respond until the song reaches the line “Things you never saw in me / She’ll see” (well, I think it’s relevant) and then says simply, shaking his head a little, “Nothing.” He continues that he’s really happy to see her. She asks “Really?” and the subsequent kiss seems to be as good an answer as any. They hug again, and for about the first time in the episode, Bright appears to be at peace. Sam is not one for the romance and demands to know if they’re going to play with him. Hannah asks him to give Bright a moment to get settled. Bright: “Yeah, Sammy, give me a chance to get SETTLED!” as he picks up Sam and spins him around. Hannah closes the door, and we return to the window, through which we see the three playing together and being adorable and generally making a big old sappy girl out of me.

Next time: Andy and Jake get couples counseling, Andy has to deal with knowing too much about Amy's love life, and then more stuff happens with Ephram and Kyle.