So Long, Farewell

I am extremely sorry for the lateness; life is basically to blame, though, in all honesty, I'd probably have managed to make more time to recap if it had been for an episode like "Lost and Found" or "Enjoy the Ride." But, I've got a month of vacation coming up and the season's about to hit its stride, so I'm hoping to get back to a more regular schedule with these.

Sam’s. Jake’s trying to fix a jammed espresso maker. As he wonders aloud why they haven’t gotten a new one, some guy comes over and proclaims that “someone’s got their cranky on.” Jake looks up and greets the guy as Cliff, and they exchange manly handslaps and fistbumps. Jake asks if they’re still on for tomorrow, prompting the nearby Nina to ask what’s happening tomorrow. She greets Cliff, telling him “Long time, no see.” Who is this guy? Why he is suddenly here? How much are we missing of these people’s lives?! Cliff blames Jake for the no-see, as he keeps cancelling on him. Jake promises that it won’t happen this time, since he cleared his schedule far in advance, and explains to Nina that they plan to freeride down Mt. Kinsey, which has a trail that is, according to Jake, “epic,” using lots of additional terminology that doesn’t mean a whole lot to me. Cliff puts a damper on Jake’s excitement by adding that the trail is closed to the public, at least for that day. He proposes that they just do it the following weekend, but Jake has a hissy-fit about how he only cleared the next day, and even uses emphatic hand gestures to make his point. Jake suddenly mellows and assures Cliff that they’ll figure something out, and besides, they always preferred a “pristine course,” right? They exchange the secret handshake again, and Cliff says he’ll pick him up at 6. As Cliff leaves, Harold and Andy enter. Harold asks, a little awestruck, if that was Cliff Fenton. Jake confirms this and asks if Harold knows him. Harold does not, but did read an article about him in the Pinecone’s Sunday supplement, and notes that he’s a “rather reckless sort.” Andy is surprised to learn that Harold reads the Sunday supplement, but Harold says that he enjoys the crossword. Jake says that he and Cliff met at the Winter X Games. Okay. Now they get together and ski or ride, depending on the weather. Despite the fact that we’ve never had any indication of this, like, ever. He tells the other two doctors about their plans, and invites them to come. Nina gives a little laugh, which prompts Andy to ask “What?” Nina says it’s nothing, but Andy knows better. Harold, however, ignores this and turns down the offer as it’s Pie Night at the Abbott house, and he can’t be late. Jake says that he figured Harold wouldn’t want to do it – Harold looks deeply offended at this – but asks if Andy’s up for an adrenaline rush. Jake’s being awfully friendly here. I suspect he’s plotting Andy's rocky death. Andy turns down the invitation, citing an early surgery, but says maybe another time. Nina just starts laughing outright at this, leading Andy to demand “What’s so funny?” Jake kisses her both in order to say goodbye, and to make her shut up. Just before leaving, Jake tells Andy to let him know if he changes his mind. Harold asks “What about me?” Nina ignores him and tells Andy to let her know, too. “I’ll hire a videographer for the occasion.” Nina walks away. Harold snits that he might have changed his mind, too, as it’s been known to happen. “I remember a specific incident in ‘82. I was debating between rocky road and mint chip.” Andy, meanwhile, wonders what’s so funny about the thought of him riding down rough terrain, since it’s not as though he hasn’t done that kind of thing before. Harold says of course he has. “And should I feel 'the need for speed,' I will act on it accordingly.” Andy declares that they both will, “and it won’t be riding some tricycle down a hill, I could tell you that!” Harold’s feeling his testosterone, too, adding an “Oh, you know it!” Then they go in for a high-five and totally miss, with Andy slapping Harold’s elbow. Hee! This little humiliation leads them to quickly change the subject, as Andy asks if it’s really Pie Night. Harold confirms that it is, and Rose is making French Apple. He adds that it’s “to die for,” which for some reason leads Andy to kind of look at him like he’s crazy. Credits!

Amy is sitting at a picnic table, presumably on campus, studying. Some guy walks past, dropping a flyer on the table and announcing a “party at Sheridan.” Amy tells him she can’t go, but the guy doesn’t particularly care; he gets paid $10 [for what? Enunciate, dude.] While exiting, the guy bumps into Reid, who’s just appeared. Reid says hey and, somewhat awkwardly, perhaps because he fears Ephram’s going to suddenly leap out from behind a tree and garrote him, asks how she is, and if she’s planning to go to the party, mentioning that Sheridan is a “pretty crazy dorm.” Amy says she can’t go, as she’s throwing a going-away party for Hannah that night. She invites Reid, who declines, claiming that he needs to spend the weekend studying. He says something again about how med school means an “insane amount of work,” and Amy, as tired as I am of hearing him talk about the workload, says “Yeah, yeah, I know, I get it.” Heh. Reid turns to leave, but Amy has a question for him. “I feel pretty stupid even bringing this up, because we’re kind of hanging out and being casual right now, but...we’re not really hanging out and being casual anymore, are we?” She notes that they’ve barely seen each other since saying they’d do it. Reid weakly apologizes. Amy assures him that he doesn’t have to make excuses if he just doesn’t want to go out with her. He’s quick to say that it’s not that. Amy asks what it is, then. Reid almost looks like he wants to tell her, but thinks better of it. “I think I just miscalculated. You know, like, I thought that I’d be able to handle dating and school, but as it turns out, I’m not as smart as I thought that I was.” He apologizes again, and Amy says that it’s cool. He tells her to have fun at her party and says that he’ll see her around. Amy is sad.

Administrative office in high school, where Hannah and Jayne are. The secretary is very sad that Hannah is leaving, remarking that she’s an “angel” and that “it just won’t be the same making holiday popcorn balls without” her. She must have made quite an impression during that one Christmas she had, at this point, spent there. “Jan” leaves to get Hannah’s records. A mysterious someone – okay, Topher – suddenly enters and walks up behind Hannah, whom he apparently doesn’t recognize from the back. Hannah turns around, and the exes are surprised to see one another. Loafer attempts a cool, “Hello, Hannah,” while she opts for the friendlier “How are ya?” He actually answers honestly, explaining that he had the flu the day before. He adds that he’s in the office to get a readmit slip. Hannah introduces him to her mother. Shasta McSpastic suddenly asks how things are with Bright. Hannah says nothing, but is clearly uncomfortable, and also a tiny bit amused by his total lack of awareness about, like, proper boundaries and social rituals. Sarah Drew really has some of the best facial expressions. It just gets worse, as Tofu adds a “Still going strong, I assume?” Hannah awkwardly answers that things are good. Jayne, meanwhile, is amused by the strange young man, as am I. You were little more than a roadblock on the way to Bright/Hannah, but you weren’t without your charms, Topher Cole. Brian continues that, since he’s run into her and all, he might as well let her know about his birthday party next week. “Bowling and ice cream...should be pretty rad!” There are no words. Hannah sincerely replies that it’s sweet of him to invite her, but she’s moving back to Minnesota. Aw. Loafer is crushed by this. Clearly he harbored hopes that Hannah would someday see the error of her ways and return to him, and he'd spend the rest of his days glued to her hip at all times, snorting all over her. She continues that she and Jayne are leaving in a few days. Tofu asks “for...ever?” Hannah nods in confirmation. He starts to get a little choked up, which inspires concern in both mother and daughter. Hannah asks if he’s okay. He replies that he’s fine, but is starting to feel woozy again. He walks away sadly, but adds to Jayne that it was nice to meet her. Jayne observes that he’s an “interesting young man.” Hannah, more brutally honest, remarks that “he’s a little weird,” and, also, that “he was kind of my boyfriend last year.” Jayne replies, with eyebrow raised, that Hannah had a boyfriend last year, too, clearly realizing for the first time what a brazen hussy Everwood’s made of her daughter. But mostly, she wonders why Hannah never told her about him. Hannah says that it wasn’t a big deal, since they only went on a couple of dates and things didn’t work out. “But it did make me realize how much I liked Bright, so some good did come out of it.” Jayne’s expression, hilariously and not unreasonably, indicates that she’s rather skeptical about this being a good thing. Jan returns with forms for Hannah to sign. Jayne looks happy, though it’s unclear if this is because her daughter will be with her, or because her daughter will be safely away from the young men of Everwood.

Speaking of whom, we cut to the apartment. Bright and Hannah are about to leave for a date. Ephram asks if they’re sure he can’t interest them in a “peanut butter and jelly sandwich dipped in cold tomato soup.” Amy: “It’s the dipping that freaks people out, Ephram. Why must you dip?” Hee. Hannah declines Ephram’s generous and gross offer by explaining that she and Bright are going to a tapas bar outside Denver, since it might be her last chance to eat there for quite a while. Bright looks sad. Amy asks if they haven’t been there already. Hannah replies that they have, “but only because Bright thought I said ‘topless.’ I think he still liked it, though.” She asks for confirmation, but it takes Bright a moment to provide it, as he’s presently too busy staring at the floor morosely. They leave. Ephram observes that Bright seems to be taking it all pretty hard. Amy thinks it’s sad and unfair that “they got their moment” but now Hannah’s leaving. Ephram offers his assistance with the going-away party, which Amy eagerly accepts. She starts to check her planner, but suddenly pauses and stares off into space. Ephram asks if she’s all right. Amy alleges that she is, but can’t believe that Hannah is really leaving and feels like she’s losing her best friend. “Who am I kidding, I’m losing my only friend,” she says, to the chopped liver sitting beside her. Said chopped liver insists that it’s not true, and Amy acknowledges their friendship. Ephram replies that it’s not about him, and he gets that. Amy goes on some more about how Hannah’s the only significant person in her life at the moment, and she’s been depending on her for “like, everything.” Ephram is sure that she’s met some people at school. Amy says that she tried to be a joiner at first, but just ended up going to big parties where no one knew who she was or cared that she was there. Ephram asks if that isn’t what all parties are like. Amy guesses so, and admits that she’s used to being the person throwing the parties, so she knows who everyone is. She suddenly wonders if this is how Ephram felt his entire time in Everwood. Ephram: “No, no. I mean, I wouldn’t blame it entirely on Everwood. You know, I’ve been antisocial since the womb, so...” Hee. Getting stuttery, he adds that all that was much easier for him when they were together. Amy concedes that it’s always easier as part of a couple, but the hard part is becoming a couple in the first place, which she complains is “apparently impossible” for her this year. Ephram shoots her a hopeful sidelong glance, and innocently asks what happened with Reid. Amy says that it’s not happening anymore, if it did at all, but it doesn’t matter because he won’t be filling the gaping void Hannah’s absence will create in her life, “not that anyone ever could.” Amy gets super oblivious again and declares that she “finally felt like there was someone in the world who got me,” but now that person is leaving, which I’m pretty sure the viewers haven’t forgotten in the last 28 seconds. Amy rests her head on Ephram’s shoulder, while Ephram looks decidedly uncomfortable.

Casa Nina. Jake is in the living room, doing something with his bike. A groggy Nina walks downstairs and wonders what time it is. Jake chirps that it’s “5:30, bright and early!” Jake is the kind of person that I would sometimes want very much to kick. Nina follows him into the kitchen and offers to make something to supplement the toast or bagel he’s eating. Jake refuses this offer, claiming that “if I eat anything else, I’ll just end up seeing it again at the bottom of the mountain.” Well, that works up my appetite. Nina marvels that he’s “really doing this.” Jake says it’s “crazy” and his first day off in a long time. Nina passive-agressives about how he’s choosing to spend it. Jake retorts that Nina’s the one who’s been telling him he’s working too hard and needs to relax. Nina is dubious about how relaxing this excursion will be, and observes that “even Cliff thinks it’s crazy.” Jake insists that he doesn’t, and defends his idea of what constitutes a relaxing activity. Nina confesses that her real issue is that Jake is not relaxing with her, which he could have done had he given her some advance notice about his day off. Jake asks if she’s mad; Nina insists that she’s not, just worried that he’s “lost the ability to slow down” and will give himself a heart attack. Jake thinks she’s starting to sound like Edna, “without the gravelly voice.” He starts to make his way out, declaring himself fine and saying that he’ll call when they’re done. Nina seems unconvinced.

Harold unnecessarily knocks on Andy’s open office door and then barges right in, asking if they should “share [their] suggested feats of derring-do.” Andy invites Harold to go first. Harold cautions him not to be “alarmed by the criminal nature of this suggestion; after all, it is merely a misdemeanor. I propose that we shoplift chewing gum from Herb’s General Store.” He quickly glances behind him, as though Herb’s back there just waiting to rap him on the knuckles or something. Andy skeptically repeats “Herb’s General Store?,” which Harold seems to think means Andy finds the proposal as dangerous as he does, until Andy exclaims that he had bungee-jumping and auto racing on his list. Harold wonders if scuba diving is more what Andy’s thinking. Andy: “Yes! Exactly. Except not that, I don’t like jellyfish.” He offers rock climbing. Harold: “No. Too much dirt under the fingernails.” He, a little tentatively, suggests sky diving. Andy thinks this is great, since “you can’t get any more extreme than jumping out of an airplane.” Harold notes the “nearly 100 percent survival rate” and declares “Here’s to hurling ourselves out of an airplane.” Andy: “Here’s to hurling in general!” Heh, he must have just watched that part of the Jake/Nina scene. They enthusiastically go in for another high-five, which ends in abject failure as Andy whacks Harold on the forearm. Andy asserts that Harold keeps holding his hand up too high. Harold complains that Andy shouldn’t slap so hard next time.

Hannah’s on the floor of her room, going through a drawer, from which she retrieves the ketchup children, bringing me memories of a better episode. Someone knocks on the open door; pan up to reveal that it’s Ephram. Clearly, the show is attempting to appease me. He remarks that he’s pretty sure Minnesota has ketchup, to which Hannah replies that it was a gift from Bright. Ephram: “Yeah, flowers are way too predictable.” She explains that it was last year and a long [but good] story, and asks why Ephram’s there. Ephram wonders why a person can’t just drop by unexpectedly. Hannah makes the good point that a person can, but Ephram’s not really the dropping-by kind. He concedes this, then announces that he thinks she should stay in Everwood. Hannah doesn’t particularly want to hear it, which Ephram realizes. “And I know you probably want to get out of here before everyone has a chance to convince you otherwise – trust me, I know how that goes. But running away from your problems is not going to solve anything.” Hannah denies that she’s running away from anything, insisting that she ran away when she came to Everwood in the first place. “Going home is the right thing for me to do. My mom really needs me now.” Ephram agrees with this last point, but asserts that there are people in Everwood who need her, too. Hannah, a little wearily, mutters that Bright will be fine. Ephram’s concern, though, is Amy. Hannah’s all, “Amy? Whaa?” Ephram says that while Amy would never want him to tell Hannah this, she is devastated to a degree that he hasn’t seen since he doesn’t even know when. “I mean, she’s trying to act all happy and positive because she doesn’t want to burden anybody, but that’s just how she is.” S2 notwithstanding, I guess. He concludes that Amy needs Hannah more than she lets on, and since she would never ask Hannah to stay, someone has to. Hannah stares at him, realization dawning. Ephram adds that he “just can’t stand to see [Amy] this sad.” Hannah observes that he still loves Amy. Ephram doesn’t acknowledge this, simply replying that “fact is, there’s people here that care about you, and I think you belong here.” Hannah calls him a good guy. Ephram ignores this, too, and just tells her to “think about it.” After he leaves, Hannah gazes mournfully upon a picture of the Abbott sibs and herself, then glances around her room resignedly.

Bright empties out a laundry basket onto the Abbott kitchen table. Rose, in the kitchen proper, offers her help in folding, which Bright accepts. He mentions that he’s “feeling kind of pukey” at the moment, and I think again on what a pleasant episode this is so far. Rose asks if he’s sick. Well, if looovesick counts. Ew, I’m sorry, I just grossed even myself out with the lameness. Anyway, Bright complains that his chest and head hurt and he wants to lie down all the time, which he nicely illustrates by dramatically slumping face-forward onto the table. Rose lifts his head to check for a fever and, after peeling off a sock that’s attached itself to his face, confirms that he doesn’t have one. Bright feels his forehead and disagrees, though Rose points out that he’s had his head/hand [I can't actually tell which she says, but, heck, they both work] in a pile of laundry. She continues that he’s not sick, but heartbroken, and, in an inappropriately cheery manner, declares that it happens to everyone some time and it’s his turn. Bright thinks he would rather just have whooping cough. Rose goes on some more about how everyone will miss Hannah, but Bright insists that it’s more than that. “I’m going to miss everything about her. Not just the person, you know, that she is, but who I am when I’m with her.” As Rose nods a little, Bright continues that Hannah “makes things better,” including Bright himself, and that without her around, he’ll return to his former ways. Rose exclaims that he’s not a “rubber band” to snap back so easily. Bright: “We don’t know that, Mother. Okay, I have been an asshat the majority of my adult life; the odds are I’m going to convert back to that, you know?” Oh, wow. I just realized now how eerily Bright/Chris Pratt channels Harold/Tom Amandes in that delivery. Dude. It’s one of those delightful moments where you can more than buy into the idea that these various characters are closely related. But there’s not much time to relish that line, since Rose responds with an even better one: “Revert. 'Convert' would make ‘asshat’ a religion.” And in any case, Hannah doesn't need to move away in order for him to revert or convert to asshattery. Just sayin'. Rose assures him that couples have long-distance relationships all the time, and offers she and Harold as an example. This is news to Bright, so Rose explains that she stayed in Everwood during Harold’s first year of residency and that they talked on the phone and she made trips to see him. “We just made it work. And if you want this, you can make it work, too.” Bright asks if she really thinks so, and she does. He gets all enthusiastic about the idea, mentioning that he might take enough credits to transfer to whatever college she ends up attending. Rose thinks there’s plenty of time to think about these things later, and asks what his plans are for Hannah’s last night in Everwood, after Amy’s grand going-away party. Bright: “Well, uh, I figure that the party’s gonna suck, and then afterwards we’re gonna be all depressed and crying...” Aw, now he’s channeling Ephram! Rose challenges Bright to come up with a slightly better plan than that. Bright looks inspired.

X-treme Mountain Biking Time! Jake and Cliff are gabbing about relationships. As you do. Cliff observes that Jake hasn’t been much fun, which Jake attributes to the argument he had with Nina. Cliff wants to hear all about it, reminding Jake that the “Love Doctah is in!” Shut up, Cliff. Fortunately, Jake calls him an idiot before explaining that Nina was upset with him for not spending the day with her. Cliff thinks this is a minor issue, but Jake brings up Nina’s complaints about his working too hard, and how he thinks she might be right. Cliff’s response is all x-treme and testosterone-filled, with a “blah blah” (though he blows a golden opportunity to append “cakes” to the rest of the statement) and an oddly faux gangsta-accented “Look, man, you wanna live some BS suburban concept of life, or you wanna friggin’ grab it by the nuts and shake it[...cakes]?” He blathers something about Jake opening up his own line of clinics across the country, like, is this remotely pertinent to anything you’ve just discussed, Cliff? But Jake appreciates Cliff’s support of his workaholic tendencies. The two men reach the top of the trail and look down. Jake is slightly less confident than Cliff, who casually straps on his helmet and tells Jake he’ll see him at the bottom. Heh, well, he’s not wrong there! Cliff starts his trip down and...oh, my gosh, some uptempo, sporty sounding song starts up and we’re treated to a whole scene of Cliff riding the trail while Jake looks on nervously. There are jump cuts and everything, I guess to amp up the x-treme x-citement! Until...Cliff’s bike hits a big rock and he’s propelled forward, landing several feet below. In a moment that always makes me laugh inappropriately, because I swear the character was only named for the purposes of this scene, Jake shouts “Cliff!” Well, you could have warned him about that twenty seconds sooner, there, Jake! Ha ha ha! I am a horrible person! (And yes, I realize it's not actually a cliff, but the writer probably thought naming him "Rock" would be even more conspicuous.) Jake calls out again, and rides down to check on his unconscious buddy.

Amy and Hannah in a store of some sort. It seems to sell sunglasses and books. Apparently Hannah is shopping for going-away presents, as Amy suggests she give Nina sunglasses. I hope Amy doesn’t draw my name in this year’s Fake People from Cancelled Shows/Real People Secret Santa. Hannah, for her part, doesn’t think sunglasses really say “thank you for providing me with food, shelter, and love for the past year-and-a-half.” Amy changes the subject, nonchalantly asking what Hannah wants to do on her last night, adding that it’s “totally up to” her. Hannah knows one thing she doesn’t want to do, “and that’s go to a surprise party in my honor.” Heh. I wonder if even Hannah’s grown tired of the incessant adoration. Amy puts down a bird mask – which the store also sells, because the store is on crack – and is all shocked that Hannah knows, and blames Bright. But Hannah didn’t hear it from him; she just knows Amy that well. “There hasn’t been an event you haven’t wanted to throw a surprise party for. You wanted to surprise me when I blew out my hair for the first time.” Though Amy insists that that was a “huge moment,” Hannah continues that Amy’s probably already made five mix CDs and put together a slide show on her Mac. Amy: “Wow. I guess I won’t turn into my mother since I’ve already turned into my father.” Hee. I mean, it’s awfully similar to a joke Friends had done a few years earlier, but it means so much more here. Hannah assures Amy that she loves that she wants to throw the party for her, but that it would be too painful. Amy understands, but insists that she can’t leave without any fanfare. “Abbotts need fanfare. It’s our word for ‘closure.’” Hannah doesn’t think they need any closure, since they’ll be friends forever. She proposes, as an alternative to the party, that Amy find and go crazy at some college party. Amy finds it strange that Hannah would want to spend her last night in Everwood at a kegger. Hannah: “No, I want you to go to one. Without me.” Ha! Intentional or not, this is coming across as an awfully one-sided friendship. Hannah asserts that Amy needs to go out and meet some new people, though I’m fairly convinced that Hannah's only saying this so she can spend her last night with Bright. Amy says that she already tried that, and discovered that “new people suck.” Hannah responds that she used to think so, too, until she met Amy, “all bossy and driven and there for me all the time. I mean, what you gave me, I could never find a gift big enough to repay you.” Which must mean she totally didn’t get anything for Amy. And, actually, she didn’t, as she admits when Amy says she doesn’t need a present. Heh. Returning to the pretense that she actually likes Amy, Hannah exclaims that she’s a great friend, not only to her, but to everyone. She thinks that she’s been “selfish” in being afraid of losing Amy to college friends, but realizes now that she’ll never lose her; college and Minnesota won’t change anything. They hug; while Amy practically chokes Hannah, the latter continues that Amy should just get out there and show everyone how great she is. Post-hug, she tells Amy to “wow ‘em” and emphasizes her point with a goofy arm gesture that reminds me of Mike D’Antoni reacting to a bad play or a foul call. Amy remarks that now Hannah sounds like Harold. Hannah laughs awkwardly at herself.

Jake has reached the still-unconscious Cliff. He checks his pulse, which is present, and then calls out for help. This...is so barely worth recapping, and I’m not entirely sure why it wasn’t just part of their previous scene.

Nina and Andy are leaving their respective homes at the same time. Nina notes that Andy is carrying a parachute and asks why he has it. Andy replies that today is “orientation” and that he and Harold are going skydiving the next day. Nina looks alarmed, but Andy cheerfully tells her not to look so shocked, as it’s “just another facet of my personality you’ve never seen.” Nina rather dubiously asks “Is that so?” Andy confirms that it is, and asks if she knows what his nickname in college was. She lamely suggests “Crazy Andy.” Andy says no, but that it would have made more sense than the one he had. Andy gets to the point, which is that he can “live on the edge” too. He asks where Jake is and suggests that he might like to join them. Nina doubts is, as he’s currently at the hospital with Cliff, who apparently has a bad concussion and various bodily injuries which required surgery, from which he still hasn’t awoken. Andy is very sorry, and asks if there’s anything he can do. Nina suggests something: “Can’t you just buy a car or date a 21-year-old?” Andy doesn’t know what she’s talking about, so she continues. “Just have a midlife crisis like a normal guy. That way you can forget about the airplane thing and whatever other stupid ideas you have planned. I don’t have to worry that you’re out there riding a unicycle on a tightrope.” Andy reveals that he used to do wild and crazy things all the time, and that he even once owned a motorcycle! This doesn’t mean much to Nina, who says she’s glad she didn’t know him then. Andy is puzzled. Nina explains that one of her favorite things about him is that he doesn’t “have that extra dash of machismo that makes men do dumbass things, because you don’t have anything to prove. Or, at least, I thought you didn’t.” She continues that even if he was “that guy” when he was younger, he can’t be now, because he has two kids who need him. “And I need you around, too. So, if you don’t mind, could you just be a little less reckless, for me?” I find it a little bit sad that Nina’s concern seems to affect him a little more than the thought of leaving Ephram and Delia as orphans does. Andy says that he’ll talk to Harold, for which Nina thanks him. As she walks to her car, she asks what Andy’s college nickname was. Andy flirtatiously replies, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Heh. Probably means it was something lame.

Jake enters a very crowded clinic and apologizes for being late. He asks for five minutes and marches into his office. Edna, concerned, follows. She kindly observes that he looks like he was just run over by a truck. Jake says that he feels even worse. Edna asks if there’s been any change with Cliff. Jake tells her what Nina already told us about the surgery. Edna urges him to cancel the day’s appointments and go back to the hospital, but Jake refuses, as they already cancelled the previous day’s appointments. Edna takes a different tack, asking if he’s eaten yet. Jake just wants to take care of the patients quickly so he can return to the hospital ASAP. Edna, not knowing when to quit, asks what Cliff’s prognosis is. Jake informs her that it’s “crap” and that he’s unlikely to ever walk again. Edna reminds Jake that Cliff will be able to breathe again, and he owes that to Jake, though Jake considers this small comfort. She starts to say something about Jake going through a traumatic experience, but he really doesn’t want a “therapy session;” he just wants Edna to bring in the first patient. Edna finally complies, though reluctantly so.

Harold is testing his skydiving equipment in a way that only he would, by leaning over a chair, in front of a fan turned on full-blast. Hannah appears, holding a gift box, and, slightly weirded out, greets him. Harold turns off the fan and announces that his helmet and goggles are “100 percent wind-resistant.” Hannah: “Oh...o-kay.” Hee. She holds out the box and says that it’s a “goodbye/thank you present.” Harold thanks her and begins to open it, though he adds that the gesture is unnecessary since just having her around for the past year was “gift enough.” He finally opens the gift, and exclaims, “Oh, mother of pearl.” Hee! Hannah has given him a “lovely terra cotta-colored sweater vest,” the exact same style as one that he has in “pine” and “heathered charcoal.” Hannah says that this one just came out, so she had to move fast to get it before he did. Harold suddenly chuckles a slightly bitter “oh, good Lord,” provoking Hannah’s curiosity. Harold says it’s nothing, but Hannah reminds him that she’s leaving soon, so “it may be your last opportunity to take advantage of my 17-year-old smarts.” Harold asks her how long it took her to think of a gift for him. Hannah assures him that his was the easiest to get. Harold says that’s exactly it; “I’m as predictable as the fine stitching on this lamb’s wool-cashmere blend, and don’t try to argue with me.” Hannah had no intention of doing so, actually. “You are predictable, Dr. Abbott, but that’s what’s so great about you. At least I think so.” Harold observes that she must enjoy his “constant tedium.” Hannah prefers to consider it “reliability.” She says that Harold is always there for her, and for everyone. “We all count on you. Don’t you know that?” Harold says that what he does know is that Hannah has “brought a world of joy into the Abbott household which will never be forgotten. And not just for my children; I’m talking about for Rose and for myself. You feel like one of our own. ” He concludes that they’ll miss her “dearly.” They hug and he jokingly begs her not to leave them.

And, um, this is a slightly evil reaction to this well-intentioned scene, but...WE GET IT. Okay, see? This is one of the reasons I dislike this episode. I love Hannah. And it’s cute to see her with Harold, even though they haven’t really interacted on-screen since “Fallout,” which makes this whole display seem a little unearned to me. But throughout the episode, we’re just hammered over the head repeatedly with how fantastic she is and how everyone loves her. That gets old. Fast. And my rebellious streak compels me to think the exact opposite, and I don’t like feeling compelled to dislike a character I like. Moving on.

Ephram and Amy are about to enter a kegger. Amy can’t believe that Hannah talked her into going; Ephram can’t believe that it was Hannah’s idea in the first place. “Doesn’t she have some sort of moral objection against parties?” Amy thinks that Bright’s “had more of an impact on her than we realized, which is just scary.” Hee. Amy thanks Ephram for accompanying her, as she didn’t think she could go there on her own. Ephram says he actually loves this kind of thing; “it gives me a chance to say all sorts of really inappropriate things to people that I’ll never see again.” Amy hopes he doesn’t do this with anyone she actually wants to befriend. They stop, and she asks how she looks. Ephram’s answer is, of course, that she looks “beautiful,” which she, of course, does. Amy’s confidence is bolstered, and she’s all set to “do this thing.” Just outside the party’s entrance, Ephram tells her to let him know whenever she wants him to go. Amy is quick to inform him that he has to stay beside her all night, as her wingman. Ephram asks -- Mother of pearl. Gregory Smith has never looked more like James McAvoy than he does in this particular shot. Nice. Uh, so, Ephram asks if “chicks have those, too,” which Amy confirms, though she adds that “we just use them for less disgusting reasons than guys do.” Ephram, more than happy to serve as Amy’s anything, really, shrugs that if that’s what she wants, he’s not going anywhere. Amy reiterates that it’s what she wants.

A car speeds down some road, somewhere. Bright is taking a blindfolded Hannah to some secret location. She guesses a French restaurant in Denver or the movies; he denies that it’s the former and says he wouldn’t wear a suit to the latter. Bright also refuses to tell her if she guesses correctly. Hannah seethes about how “unfair” it is, then tells Bright to “stop smirking.” Bright wonders how she knows he’s smirking and waves a hand before her still-blindfolded eyes before muttering, “Never mind.” Heh. They pull to a stop, which Hannah takes as her cue to remove said blindfold. She observes that they’re at the high school. Bright leads her into the gym and announces, “Welcome to your senior prom.” There are balloons and lights and it’s a decent enough set-up that I would wonder how Bright managed all this (particularly getting access to the gym in the first place) on short notice, except that it is, after all, a surprise for Hannah; he probably informed the school of his plans and they made him his own set of keys, and offered to cover any and all expenses. In any case, Bright says that he knows it’s not the same as the real prom, but that he “didn’t want to wait until June.” And while he also knows she’ll have a prom in Minnesota, for which he’ll be her date, he wanted her to have “a real one. In our school. In Everwood.” He asks if she likes it, and offers to take her somewhere else if she doesn’t. Hannah, in fact, loves it, and flings herself into his arms. Then things get all montage-y, to the tune of Hem's "Pacific Street."

Bright pulls out a chair for Hannah at the table he’s set up nicely. Harold, Rose, and Andy sit at the Abbott dinner table, and Harold toasts “to not jumping out of an airplane.” Ephram and Amy talk and laugh with people at the kegger who aren’t each other, though they take some time out to exchange glances that indicate how much fun they are having with other people, except that Ephram's also indicates how much he wishes the other people weren't there too. Bright and Hannah dance. And dance. And dance some more. All right, look, I know this is supposed to be romantic, but it really makes me want to watch the scenes involving Hannah’s junior prom from “He Who Hesitates,” because: comedy gold, people. These two had chemistry over the phone. And also, um, that episode of Wings where Psycho Sandy Cooper traps Joe in the basement and makes him reenact the senior prom he never asked her to. Man, that was hilarious. Yeah, this is probably not where my mind should be wandering just about now, but there you go. Bright and Hannah dance us into the commercial break.

Bright and Hannah are now at Nina’s, the dancing having finally concluded. Bright: “Now, I hope you don’t think I voted you Prom Queen just because you were the only girl there.” Hee. Hannah thinks he just likes a girl in a tiara. Dude, whose bad call was it not to show us Bright tiara-shopping? I don't care if Rose helped him and the whole prom thing was supposed to be a surprise for the audience; that was some potentially priceless material, right there. In any case, it’s all perfectly cute as he begins to walk her to the door, until Hannah sits him down for a little driveway talk. She begins by removing the tiara and thanking him for the prom, which was more than she expected and “even more than I thought I could expect.” Bright assures her that she can expect that kind of thing from him all the time. “Just so you know, I’m full of genius.” Hannah smiles sadly and says that she knows he is. Then she just looks sad. Bright reminds her that he’s taking her to the airport the next day, so they can save their goodbyes for then. But Hannah would prefer to take care of “the whole goodbye thing” now. “And the whole break-up thing, too.” Bright is poleaxed by this last suggestion. Hannah insists that they have to break up, though Bright adamantly denies this. But Hannah is equally sure. “I want to keep us like this forever, the way we’re feeling right now...it’s like, I want to freeze it and save it. But if we try to stay together while you are here and I’m there, I just – I just think it’ll be too hard.” Bright disagrees and says he’s thought a lot about it; he’ll visit, they’ll call all the time... Hannah continues his line of thought, putting a more bitter twist on things, saying that “real life will get in the way, and we’ll stop visiting, and we’ll stop calling each other as much, and then all we’ll ever feel about each other is sad, or hurt...or, or disappointed.” Bright replies, pretty definitely, that he “would never hurt” her. Whoa. This scene suddenly just got even more interesting than I remembered it as being. Hannah quickly assures him that she knows he would never want to, nor would she want to hurt him, but that “distance just changes things.” She concedes that she might just be a coward, but that she doesn’t want to risk losing the “perfect feeling” she has now. Though Bright weakly attempts to protest, Hannah continues that he gave her the “only perfect night of [her] entire life” and that regardless of what happens after she leaves, she wants him to know that she’ll always remember the night as her “most favorite night, ever.” She goes in for a sad, yet surprisingly forceful, kiss before making a mad dash for the house over Bright’s protestation. Once inside, Hannah looks at the tiara in her hand, breaks down into tears, and runs up the stairs. At the sound, Jayne appears in the living room and looks up the stairs, possibly beginning to rethink this whole plan.

Cliff’s hospital room, the next day. Jake stands in the doorway, not entering until the now-conscious Cliff lifts his head a little in acknowledgment. Jake actually starts off with a “Hey, buddy” and asks how Cliff feels. Cliff complains that the room is “friggin’ depressing” and jokes that he considered throwing his Jell-O at the walls to give them some color. Jake would prefer to make the mood in the room even more friggin’ depressing, and so says, as he sits at his friend’s bedside, that he can’t believe this is happening and can’t imagine what Cliff is feeling. Cliff, actually, is not feeling “a lot of anything from” his midsection down. Jake is apologetic and at a loss for words. Cliff doesn’t really care if Jake knows what to say or not, as he’s presently more preoccupied with the knowledge that he’s paralyzed. “Can’t ski, can’t run, can’t even walk...I just wish...” Jake leans forward and eagerly asks what he wishes, offering to do whatever’s necessary. But Cliff only wishes that they had waited until the next weekend. Jake grimaces at this. Cliff continues that Jake should have left him on the trail. Jake is deeply apologetic some more, agreeing that Cliff was right on the waiting thing [because...being right is pretty high on Cliff’s list right now?]. He also offers to talk to Andy about the injury, citing his miraculous work with spinal cases. Cliff, however, doesn’t believe in miracles, and only cares about getting his legs back. He then goes into a lengthy discourse on the Muddy Buddy race and, at the end, says that he was going to ask Jake to be his partner that year, though “that’s all shot to hell” now. Before Jake can respond, a nurse appears, proffering pain pills, which Cliff gladly accepts. Jake is transfixed by the meds. As the nurse leaves, Cliff leans back and remarks that he wants to be numb. “I don’t want to feel it. I don’t want to feel any of this, you know what I mean?” Jake does, in fact.

Herb’s General Store, I presume, though it can't be nearly as "general" as that place where Amy and Hannah were. Andy is examining rolls of duct tape when Harold walks over and advises him against that particular brand due to its non-stickiness. Andy greets him, and Harold observes that they could, at that moment, have been “spiraling down towards earth, praying to God that our parachutes would open.” Andy acknowledges that shopping isn’t quite on the same level of excitement. This is not a problem for Harold, “although, the idea of infusing a bit of danger into the ennui that is our daily routine does still titillate.” Andy glances downward and suddenly recalls one suggestion, asking if Harold remembers “#3 on the list.” Harold can’t believe what Andy is suggesting, but Andy really means it, encouraging Harold to go for “the big one” – i.e. a pack of Juicy Fruit from the gum rack. Harold picks it up, but is very iffy on the whole shoplifting thing. Andy, in hushed tones, declares it the “heist of a lifetime,” which is the final encouragement Harold needs. He puts the gum in his coat pocket and attempts to make a smooth escape, but bumps into the gum rack on his way out. Andy urges him on, shouting “Go! Go!” which Harold does, as dorkily as one might expect. Once he’s out the door, Andy tells the clerk to just put the gum on his tab. Hee. (And, also, that sentence makes more sense when spoken, for some reason. It just looks all kinds of weird here.)

Hannah is prone on her bed, crying. She gets up when Jayne enters, and announces that she’s all packed and ready to go! She cheerily asks, while wiping away a tear, how long before they leave for the airport. Jayne says about an hour, but has something to ask before they go: what would Hannah think about staying in Everwood for the rest of the school year? Jayne continues that it would make more sense that way, since she’ll be graduating soon and going off to college after that. Hannah begins to protest, but Jayne is firm. “I’m the parent, and you’re the teenager. I get to be the martyr and you get to be self-centered.” Hannah says that she’s already been that, and now just wants what’s best for Jayne. But Jayne insists that Hannah’s happiness is what’s best for Jayne, and Hannah’s clearly happy in Everwood. She says some awkward sentimental mom-type things a little woodenly, but the gist is that Hannah’s matured quite a bit since her second-grade days of clinging to Jayne’s leg. Hannah says that she misses her mother now, though, and doesn’t want to spend another six months away from her. Jayne promises to visit frequently, and says that Hannah can come home as often as she wants, and can even bring Bright. The thought of this amuses Hannah. “Oh my gosh, he would die to see the house, wouldn’t he? We don’t even have a TV!” OH COME ON. I mean, not that there aren’t people who don’t own TVs, because there are, and I even know a couple of them, but still. Of course Hannah’s family doesn’t own a television; she’s all morally conservative and dresses like Laura Ingalls Wilder! It all makes sense now! But anyway, Jayne says that she might get one, and that it’s “a whole new world,” so maybe Hannah’s Dad had some rule against television or something, which they can totally disregard now! (Although, it wouldn’t be unlike what happened when my grandfather, who refused to let my step-grandmother wear skirts – seriously – died; the day before his memorial service, she went out and bought, like, 5 dresses.) Anyhoo, Hannah asks if Jayne’s sure about everything. She is, and is sure that it’s what Hannah’s Dad would have wanted, too. Hannah is sincerely happy now, and hugs Jayne, telling her she loves her. Jayne’s all with the one-upsmanship right now, and says she loves Hannah more. Hannah excitedly gets her phone, which is Jayne’s cue to leave, excitedly dials, and excitedly begins to tell Bright the good news.

Jake’s at his desk. Edna appears in the doorway and says she’s leaving, and asks if he is, too. Jake holds up a stack of files and says it’ll be a few more hours. Edna offers to stay and help, but he refuses. She suddenly remembers to ask how his visit with Cliff went. Jake seems to think a moment before responding that Edna was right; “he thanked me.” Edna is happy, and calls Jake a hero. Jake looks pained, and glances in the direction of a cabinet, and I think we can all see where this is going, even without the benefit of hindsight. He walks over to said cabinet and rummages around in it a bit before locating a bottle of Percocet. He holds it in his hands and looks pensive, as we fade out.

Next time: ...will be presented to you by special guest-recapper Ashura!